I Hate Mayonnaise

This may come as a shock to some of you but I just can’t stand the stuff. It has nothing to do with what it’s made out of (eggs and oil) but everything to do with the consistency and, most importantly, the color. There is no denying that the color of mayo is nearly identical to that of a particular substance that is drained from infected sores…yes…I think it looks exactly like pus. Taking into consideration how popular mayo is, it should come as no surprise that it is now standard on a variety of sandwiches. Much to my chagrin, it also appears to be the hardest condiment to NOT have put on a sandwich…even if you are very specific about hating it. I can not tell you how many times (I probably can…let’s just say 3/5) times I have gotten a sandwich from ANY restaurant or fast-food chain and there has been mayo on it…even after asking politely that they fore-go it during the preparation process. I don’t know if the top brass at the Mayo corporation heard about my distaste for their product and has gone undercover at every restaurant that I should happen to go to in an attempt to win me over via force-feeding me mayo or if society as a whole is just having fun fucking with me. Either way I hate it.


About ihatemostthings

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2 Responses to I Hate Mayonnaise

  1. Dodes says:

    I once asked for no mayo and got 1/4″ thick slather on both buns of a veggie burger. When I rejected it, he waitress said, “who’s going to pay for this?”.

    Usually they just assume I’m vegan and leave off my cheese as well. You just can’t win with his ubiquitous crap.

  2. Jamie says:

    I couldn’t agree more. I wouldn’t mind its existence so much if it weren’t so ubiquitous but it’s on EVERYTHING. If you’re eating out, you might as well be allergic to water. And nobody discloses the presence of mayo on the menu, they just assume everyone likes it. They can tell you how many calories come in a big mac but they can’t ASK if you want mayo on it?

    Mayo haters really need to band together in the name of FULL CONDIMENT DISCLOSURE. I don’t think society has any idea how many of us there are. I believe there are even more people who don’t particularly care for it but eat it anyway because they don’t wish to be difficult. Those people should have the option to dock 200 calories from their sandwiches by ordering sans mayo.

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